Breakup and Love – Scientific and Psychological way to Understand

I am here touching entirely different aspects behind love and then break up mystery.
This topic was running in my mind since long and I was curious to write about, till I got multiple complains from various clients about this topic. I heard them patiently and tried to empathize this whole phenomenon.

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Break ups after long last courtships and shirt lasting courtships have minor significance that came to my observation.

It is important to more light on this subject as both young males and females are effecting equally, moreover it impacts hugely upon their work performance as well as their mental health.

There are lots of old testimonies to support difficulties that come across love and all ancient poetry or novels have supported difficulties and pain to be in love.

Our culture also has huge influence on love and its tragedies and well supported by religion.

To support break up mystery, psychology plays enormous role to know logic and tendencies of this virtue. There are break ups, which are dormant and remain dormant because of social and moral values. Each partner keep suggesting to another about others weaknesses and shortcomings and it continue till break up happens and suffering to set in.

When I was listening to all these clients, each one has deep rooted belief that other is at fault, and according to them in spite of their maximum efforts, it is not working anymore.

Common reasons that I came across were, cheating, possessiveness, sexual incompatibilities, non cooperation, anger issues, stubbornness, time issues, lack of affection, and many more. The wondering part was that relationships were lasting for many months or years and suddenly problems cropped up to an extent that break up happened.

There were many cases where there was history of repeated break ups and constant frustration.

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Now Question is Why?

Other surprising feature I noticed that many have history of Break up relationships, may be because of fear of loosing the current one. This insecurity was most common finding I observed in most of the cases.

I was listening to all of them and they were expecting some sort of relief that I can offer to them. I was too inclusively keen to relieve their pain and was trying hard to understand them.

I took two decisions with course of time that I first started evaluating their personality, personality types and personality disorders. I evaluated them on depression and anxiety level also along with their emotional intelligence.

Findings were quite surprising, out of 65 cases, I found that almost two thirds have well defined personality disorders, most common was borderline personality disorder followed by histrionic personality disorders.
On personality type findings there was gross mismatch, ENTJ personality has gross mismatch with ESFJ. Similarly there were gross differences on five big factor personality assessments.

When I was evaluating them initially I found difficulty to convince them to go for their psychometric assessment but I was able to convince many of them and I was do able to help them to make them aware of human personality, temperaments, thinking and acting styles of different personalities.

It was hard for them t understand that certain personality disorders have to behave in certain pattern only. Borderline personalities are bound to have tendency to cheat and anger outburst and chronic state of frustration, in spite if the best efforts by other partner. Histrionic personalities have hard to get away when unnoticed, and their constant attention seeking and dramatic behavior was major factor for incompatibilities.

Let me now make you enlighten about personality:

Personality is defined as certain sets of pattern of fix behaviors, and organisational styles to adjust into this world.
Personality disorders are when your pattern of behavior is deviated and your emotional and social response does not fit into outer world.
Irony is that personality is mainly discrete and almost follows unchangeable course, similarly personality disorders too have genetic reasons and hard to change.
When I was explaining my clients about personality and personality disorders, initially it was hard for them to believe but with time they got the concept of psychology.

Though I could not make major changes in their lives but at least they got more aware about themselves and their partners. They got vision and reason to explain the happening they have faced and it reduces their guilt, frustration and anger to significant level.

They are now more aware of future relations and wiser to introspect

(Important Online Test: For Personality Type Assessment: – Click Here)

I tried to enroll few of them in crisis intervention and it I still going on, I hope it would lead more fruitful results to solve this love and break ups mystery

We will continue this topic in next blogs, I need your feedback to encourage going into more depth to get shower light upon this topic